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It is as I come to know, that humans live deep in a shadow of their own making. Little of their speech, and of their thinking, is to do with the now, much more is with their strange shadow.But as Maggie speaks I begin to understand why this shadow is important to them, why it overtakes the now. She compares their lives to our own, and I see how it is that shadow must be a big part of living for them.And Maggie asks of me how it is that we live, too, and I find that I do not understand that to explain it well to her, and that is not easy in me.Because of what the new Mike says to me I ask her about what they call “country” and why it is important to them, and she says it is about leaders. Leader is very important for humans. I do not understand why. She asks is leader not important to us. I say it is important but we do not care who is leader, only who can do best and that one does only for that reason, but later she asks more and I think perhaps I am not sure. I ask Kitik about. This was partly the reason why I insisted on going to Sicily. Of course my parents had no idea of the turbulence that went through my heart at the sight of a beautiful youth. In the gentle gloaming of April I often deliberately chose the longer way home after school in order to pass the football field of the university and catch sight of the robust, youthful bodies of the football lads. The silhouettes of their running bodies in the dusk often evoked a sense of heroicism in me, that sense of golden masculinity, strong, powerful, ready to conquer the world, which I myself lack. At the age of fifteen, I was thin and had a rather pale, melancholic complexion. My natural air of melancholy was often mistaken for unhappiness caused by some trouble, hence my fellow students always tried to cheer me up in vain. I knew exactly the cause of this melancholy: I was in love, not with a particular person, but with the notion of love and masculinity. My burgeoning body longed to be touched, kissed,.
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